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Norway and Spain were wonderful. The only downside being the vicious and wrong-looking mosquito bites I got in Spain. I will later write about the wonderful, but right now I have to vent about the infuriating that came after. What follows is a dramatisation based on a true story:
ME: Hello pharmacist, do you have anything better for these bites than what I have already?
PHARMACIST: You have the Evil Itchy Bites of Doom! You must go to Casualty immediately. Those bites may be so poisonous that you cannot travel!
ME: Eeeep! OK.
ME: Hello workmates. I have Evil Itchy Bites of Doom. Can someone please take me to Casualty?
KIRSTY: I will take you.
ME: You are a goddess among women.
ME: Hello Nurse-at-Casualty. Apparently I have Evil Itchy Bites of Doom.
NURSE-AT-CASUALTY: You have Evil Itchy Bites of Doom that can lead to blood-poisoning. You will DIE if you do not immediately have antibiotics, which I am not sure we have.
ME: OK. Should I just call my GP?
N-A-C: We have no doctors here. But our prescribing nurse can prescribe the antibiotics. You should go to the Waiting room. There is about a one hour wait.
ME: ...ok?
ME: I so should have bought a sandwich.
KIRSTY: I will bring you one when I come back to get you.
ME: You are truly a goddess among women!
N-A-C: We have no antibiotics.
ME: So... I should just have called my GP then.
N-A-C: We did say we may not have them! I will call your GP!
N-A-C (on phone): Can I please have the number for the Riverside Surgery?
ME: I have the number.
N-A-C: I will call them!
N-A-C: You need to be at the surgery before 4.50. You must have antibiotics in the next 6 hours or you will DIE!
ME: ...OK. So if you I leave work about 4.15, I should be there in time...
N-A-C: No! You must tell your work that you are not coming back today and go to the surgery immediately, or you will DIE!
ME: ...ok?
ME: Hello, Riverside Surgery. I think you just spoke to a woman in Chippenham. Are you closing at 5, or do I have an appointment at 4.50, because she seemed to think I should get to the surgery straight away.
RECEPTIONIST: No, you have an appointment at 4.50. We cannot see you before then.
ME: OK, she just seemed to think I should get there very urgently. I think it's just a quick prescription.
RECEPTIONIST: No, you have an appointment at 4.50. We cannot see you before then and the doctor will want to see you.
ME: ...ok.
ME: Ummm, the 4.15 train is running late. I think I may be late for my appointment.
LOVELY BOSS: I will drive you. I can go home to Bristol and work from home for the rest of the afternoon.
ME: You are also a goddess among women!
ME: Hello Nice Doctor. Apparently I have Evil Itchy Bites of Doom, and must immediately have antibiotics, or I will die?
NICE DOCTOR: Nope. They're just kinda manky. You know, I could have done this over the phone and saved you the trouble.
ME: *cries*
I promise I will write about the wonderful tomorrow. There may even be pictures.
ME: Hello pharmacist, do you have anything better for these bites than what I have already?
PHARMACIST: You have the Evil Itchy Bites of Doom! You must go to Casualty immediately. Those bites may be so poisonous that you cannot travel!
ME: Eeeep! OK.
ME: Hello workmates. I have Evil Itchy Bites of Doom. Can someone please take me to Casualty?
KIRSTY: I will take you.
ME: You are a goddess among women.
ME: Hello Nurse-at-Casualty. Apparently I have Evil Itchy Bites of Doom.
NURSE-AT-CASUALTY: You have Evil Itchy Bites of Doom that can lead to blood-poisoning. You will DIE if you do not immediately have antibiotics, which I am not sure we have.
ME: OK. Should I just call my GP?
N-A-C: We have no doctors here. But our prescribing nurse can prescribe the antibiotics. You should go to the Waiting room. There is about a one hour wait.
ME: ...ok?
ME: I so should have bought a sandwich.
KIRSTY: I will bring you one when I come back to get you.
ME: You are truly a goddess among women!
N-A-C: We have no antibiotics.
ME: So... I should just have called my GP then.
N-A-C: We did say we may not have them! I will call your GP!
N-A-C (on phone): Can I please have the number for the Riverside Surgery?
ME: I have the number.
N-A-C: I will call them!
N-A-C: You need to be at the surgery before 4.50. You must have antibiotics in the next 6 hours or you will DIE!
ME: ...OK. So if you I leave work about 4.15, I should be there in time...
N-A-C: No! You must tell your work that you are not coming back today and go to the surgery immediately, or you will DIE!
ME: ...ok?
ME: Hello, Riverside Surgery. I think you just spoke to a woman in Chippenham. Are you closing at 5, or do I have an appointment at 4.50, because she seemed to think I should get to the surgery straight away.
RECEPTIONIST: No, you have an appointment at 4.50. We cannot see you before then.
ME: OK, she just seemed to think I should get there very urgently. I think it's just a quick prescription.
RECEPTIONIST: No, you have an appointment at 4.50. We cannot see you before then and the doctor will want to see you.
ME: ...ok.
ME: Ummm, the 4.15 train is running late. I think I may be late for my appointment.
LOVELY BOSS: I will drive you. I can go home to Bristol and work from home for the rest of the afternoon.
ME: You are also a goddess among women!
ME: Hello Nice Doctor. Apparently I have Evil Itchy Bites of Doom, and must immediately have antibiotics, or I will die?
NICE DOCTOR: Nope. They're just kinda manky. You know, I could have done this over the phone and saved you the trouble.
ME: *cries*
I promise I will write about the wonderful tomorrow. There may even be pictures.
